Supporting Yourself Through the Holidays: Stress, Grief, and Pacing

By Lisa Brekke, PT, DPT

For many people, the holidays are painted as a season of joy, connection, and celebration. But for others, and often at the same time, they bring stress, exhaustion, grief, and pressure to keep up. At Brekke Rehab Consulting, we believe the holidays do not need to be perfect to be meaningful. With intentional pacing and compassion for your nervous system, they can be more sustainable and even enjoyable.

Why the Holidays Feel So Hard

The holiday season layers multiple stressors at once:

• Disrupted routines and sleep schedules

• Increased social obligations and sensory input

• Travel, financial stress, and time pressure

• Heightened expectations from others and ourselves

• Grief for loved ones, past traditions, or changes in health

From a nervous system perspective, this is a perfect storm. For individuals living with chronic illness, vestibular disorders, migraine, post-concussion symptoms, long COVID, or autonomic dysfunction, the cost of overdoing it can last well beyond the holiday itself.

Grief Can Be Present Even in Joy

Grief is not limited to loss through death. Many people experience grief during the holidays related to:

• Changes in health or function

• Loss of identity, roles, or traditions

• Family dynamics that no longer feel safe or supportive

• The contrast between how things used to be and how they are now

It is possible to hold both gratitude and grief at the same time. Acknowledging grief does not diminish joy. It often makes space for more honest connection and self-compassion.

Pacing as a Skill for the Holidays

Pacing is not about doing less. It is about doing what matters with intention.

Holiday pacing principles we often teach include:

1. Decide what truly matters: You do not have to attend every event, cook every dish, or maintain every tradition. Identify one to three priorities for the season and let the rest be optional.

2. Plan for recovery, not just activity: If you have a busy day planned, intentionally schedule downtime before and after. Recovery is not a failure. It is part of the plan.

3. Use energy budgeting: Think of your energy like a finite resource. Spending it all in one day often means borrowing from the next week. Smaller, spread-out engagements often lead to better participation overall.

4. Build in sensory and nervous system breaks: Quiet rooms, fresh air, deep breathing, grounding, or stepping away from stimulation can help prevent symptom escalation, especially for those with vestibular or neurological conditions.

5. Practice saying no or not yet: Boundaries protect relationships and health. A compassionate no now often prevents resentment or symptom flares later.

Redefining Enjoyment

Enjoying the holidays does not have to look like high energy, constant socializing, or tradition for tradition’s sake. Enjoyment might look like:

• Shorter visits

• Fewer people at a time

• Modified traditions

• Leaving early

• Observing rather than fully participating

These are not signs of failure. They are signs of self-awareness.

For Clinicians and Organizations

The holidays are a critical time to normalize pacing and symptom variability, validate emotional experiences including grief, encourage realistic expectations, and support patients and employees in redefining success.

When people feel permission to care for their nervous system, they often show up more consistently and sustainably during and after the holidays.

A Gentle Reminder

You are not required to earn rest. You are not behind. You are allowed to protect your health during the holidays.

At Brekke Rehab Consulting, we support individuals and organizations in navigating complex health conditions through education, nervous system informed care, and sustainable strategies that work in real life.

Have a happy holiday!